Lately I have been in quite the reading slump, but also in quite the mood. I have been having a hard time focusing on things at home and find myself tired all the time and spending a good amount of my time sleeping. I suffer from SAD and that is part of the problem for me, but also I am suffering from a ridiculous amount of wanderlust. I have always felt the impulse to travel and explore countries I’ve only ever read about and imagined visiting, but lately it seems to be getting worse.
I don’t know if the combination of my SAD and wanderlust are making things so much more difficult but I feel as if I am being dragged into such a deep pit that I will never be able to pull myself out again. I can barely read because I just need to be anywhere but here, in my home town/province and any minute I have a second to spare, my mind immediately flies to the countries I am not currently visiting and all I want to do is hop on a plane.
My wanderlust causes me to long for distant places I’ve only ever seen pictures of and heard about but I long for these places as if I once lived there and am dying to get back home. I fall in love with a country I have never visited and want nothing more than to finally be there. I have a scratch map that allows you to scratch off places you have visited, the same way a lottery ticket scratches off, and I feel an intense need to be able to scratch off every country on that map.
I know that I am blessed with the places I have already visited but I feel it is not enough. I fear it will never be enough and I will feel this weight on my chest forever. The only time I don’t feel this pressure is when I am exploring somewhere new, but days, hours even, after arriving back home, the wanderlust is back. I long to move to a new country and immerse myself and learn about the culture and the in and outs of the town that I would proudly call my home.
I beg my fiancé on a regular basis to allow us to move overseas to Europe but as of yet he refuses. He has said we can move to the other side of Canada to British Columbia as I have always wanted to move out west, but not for another year and a half. I have been slowly dying in this city for the last 5 years because I hate it so much. I understand my fiancé’s need to save up money and be situated before moving but I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I need out of this town and to be somewhere new that I can explore and fall in love with.
Part of me wishes that I had no drive to explore the world and that I was fine living in one place my whole life because it would be so much easier on my soul and happiness but I am also glad to have such wanderlust and to be so open to experiencing new things and ways of life. It honestly boggles my mind how some people are fine with never travelling and never experiencing what the world has to offer.
Alas, I must survive until May 31 when I’ll set foot in Iceland for our honeymoon and we’ll spend 10 glorious days exploring a new country. I fear my fiancé will once again have to drag me kicking and screaming onto the plane to make me leave. It was hard enough to leave Italy behind and I fear each time I visit somewhere new, it will become that much more difficult to head home.
But now that I have allowed my heart to bleed all over my sleeve, it is time for me to sign off. However, if you have wonderful travel stories or books that center around travel, please either leave them in the comments or feel free to leave a message in my DM’s on twitter. To all the others suffering from wanderlust like mine, we can and we will make it to the next vacation. Cheers to our next adventure.